Fooling Myself
by tki143
Summary: Jane's in love with Maura but she doesn't think Maura returns her feelings so she runs. Rated M for...well what else do we rate them M for...sex.


**Ok the** **usually blah blah blah about not owning Rizzoli and Isles but wishing I did. They belong to TNT and Tess.**

**This is just a little quickie that came to me while I am having a little problem with my other story.**

**Fooling Myself**

Have you ever loved someone so much that you would do just about anything to ensure their happiness? Well that was the way Jane felt about Maura Isles. But she has no idea how she feels and Jane can't tell her because she doesn't think she feels the same. Oh sure they flirt and probably touch more than best friends really should but it's just because they have a special friendship. Right? Well it's what Jane keeps telling herself.

They have been through more in their relationship than most couples do in a lifetime. Maura watched Jane shoot herself to save her and Frankie. Maura found out that her biological father is a mob boss, and then Jane shot him. That one almost finished their relationship. Maura was there for Jane when her own personal nightmare, Hoyt, was after her, twice. She almost died when that same nightmare lured them into a prison hospital, Jane still blames herself for that one. She offered to pay anything when someone kidnapped Maura and was more than relieved when she showed up at her place. Maura walked with Jane into a building that was literally falling down around them to save her brother, nephew and partner. Jane watched her fall apart when she met her biological mother and then again when that same mother shunned her. Oh and said mother is back again wanting Maura's kidney for her other daughter. And when she gives her her kidney, because we all know she will, Jane be there for her.

There are rumors that surface every once in a while that they are already dating and in a way they are but Maura just doesn't realize it. They spend the majority of their free time together, they go out to dinner and Maura usually pays because she chooses these outrageously expensive restaurants. Jane's perfectly content to hang out at the Dirty Robber and Maura happily tags along when she chooses to go there. They watch movies at Maura's house, because she has that big screen TV, and they end up snuggling on the couch while doing it. Movie night is Friday, now how many red blooded available women spend Friday nights with their best friend instead of going on a date? They do. When Jane ends up staying, which is most movie nights, they usually end up in the same bed even though she has a spare bedroom. Jane even ran a marathon for her in a shirt that said P.U.K.E. If that's not love what is?

Jane sits back and says nothing when Maura dates men who can't see how special she is. Men who walk all over her and even men who try to kill her. No one knows that on those nights Jane sits at home with Jo Friday and cries her eyes out. Even a good Red Sox game can't bring her out of her funk when she's on a date. And we all know how much Jane likes the Sox. Sure Jane goes on dates too, dates that always end badly because he's not who she wants to be with but it keeps people from asking questions she's not ready to answer yet.

Should she risk their friendship and just tell Maura how she feels? Will she turn and run away? Jane doesn't know what she would do if that happened, the month they didn't speak after she shot Doyle was bad enough, she knew she couldn't handle a lifetime without her. So Jane's been taking the coward's way out. She's been staying away from her. She's been making up lame excuses to avoid being alone with her. But she misses her so much but she realizes that sometimes it's harder to be with her than without her. During the middle of her musings her phone rings. "Rizzoli." She listens. "Ok send me the address and I'll meet you there."

That was Frost and they have a murder. Jane heads out of her apartment and begins to brace herself because where there is murder there is Dr. Maura Isles in all her glory. She's already there when she drives up. She's kneeling by the body and she looks incredible as usual. But then she looks up at Jane and her smile disappears and is replaced by a look of hurt and anger. Jane knows she deserves it. She haven't exactly been treating Maura very nice lately. She decides to pretend nothing is wrong and kneels down beside her but without her usual exuberance. "So what have we got Maura?" She asks quietly.

"I've already given Frost my report on the initial exam so you can get it from him, you know how I hate to repeat myself. I'm ready to transport the body and I'll give him my full report after I do the autopsy since you don't appear to want to have anything to do with me. For the life of me I don't know why or what I have done to warrant the freezing shoulder you are giving me but I would think you would be adult enough to confront me if I had done something wrong."

"Cold shoulder Maura."

"I know that Jane but you've gone beyond cold to freezing." She stood up and turned her back to Jane and instructed the men to load the body and head back to the morgue. Jane couldn't remember ever seeing Maura this angry.

"Maura, I wish I could tell you what's wrong but it's something I'm trying to work out on my own." Jane says to Maura's back.

Maura swung around so fast Jane had to take a step back. "You used to come to me when you had to work something out. Why can't you do that now?" Maura's anger turned back to hurt.

"Aw Maura. There are just some things you can't fix." Jane said as she looked down at her own shoes. Maura almost didn't hear her.

"Well I can't understand why you feel the need to shut me out the way you have for the past week. Or do you think I'm too dense to have noticed that you turn the other way when you see me coming and that you've been ignoring my phone calls and texts? You did once say I was the dumbest genius you ever knew. But I've noticed Jane. Since when is cleaning your apartment on a Friday night more important than our movie night? Every day this week you've eaten lunch at your desk instead of joining me like you used to. What have I done? What has changed?"

"I fell in love with you!" Oh shit did I say that out loud? She didn't even bother to look up at Maura when she had realized what she'd done. She did what she always does when it comes to personal issues. She turned and ran and heard Maura shoes following her but she knew she couldn't stop.

"Jane stop! Let's talk about this." Maura was trying to catch Jane and for the first time in her life she hated her shoes because the heels would not allow her to keep up with Jane. She stood at the curb and watched as Jane's car quickly pulled away from the curb.

"Shit, shit, shit what the hell have I done now?" Jane's pounding her hand on the steering wheel until it hurts. She picks up her phone and calls the station. "Hey Lieutenant Cavanaugh I know it's the middle of the day and we just caught a murder but I was wondering if I could take a few days of personal time? It's really important."

"Sure Rizzoli it's not like you don't have tons of time stored up. Take all the time you need."

"Thank you sir. I think a week will be enough time if that's ok." Jane said in a voice that sounded a lot calmer than she felt.

"Ok 'l'lI let Korsak know and we'll see you in a week."

Jane hung up and turned her phone off and threw it on the seat beside her. She stopped at the liquor store on her way home and when she got home she threw some clothes in a bag and grabbed Jo and headed back out again. "Hey Jo let's take a drive up the coast and find a nice quiet place to stay. I'll call Ma when we find a place and let her know I'm ok." It was still warm for the time of the year but most tourists had already gone home so they drove into Revere and found a nice place on the beach. As soon as she got into the room she dialed her mother.

"Jane what is the matter with you? Maura said you left the crime scene and now Korsak said you took the week off. Are you ok?"

"Yeah Ma I'm fine. I just have some thinking to do and I couldn't do it at home." Jane found herself wanting to tell her mother what was wrong but she wasn't sure she was ready to reveal it just yet. "I found a place to stay in Revere and I'm just going to bum around on the beach for a couple of days. I have Jo with me to keep me company so don't worry about me."

"Why did you turn your phone off I tried to call you. Maura is worried sick about you I am too."

"Ma I promise when I'm ready to I will tell you what is going on in my head right now but I have to get it worked out before I can do that. Will you just give me the time please?" I knew I was almost begging but I didn't need her calling every day bugging me.

"Are you saying you don't even want me to call you?" Angela asked not bothering to hide the hurt.

"Ma it's not like it's going to be forever. How about I call you in a couple of days just to let you know I'm ok?"

"If that's my only option then I don't have a choice do I? Take care of yourself ok? I love you Janie."

"I love you too Ma and I'll talk to you in a few days." Jane hung up the phone and lay back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. "Hey Jo want to go for a run on the beach? Come on girl." She grabbed the leash and headed out the door. She ran until her legs wouldn't carry her any further then she sat down on the beach to catch her breath and by the time she got back to the little cabin it was starting to get dark so she decided to call for some pizza. Jane set out a bowl of food and water for Jo then turned on the TV and found the Red Sox game then settled back to wait for the food. She sat on the bed eating pizza and watching the game and felt more alone than she had in a very long time. She grabbed one of the beers she'd brought along and drank most of the bottle in the first gulp. she drank the rest of the beer and pretty much passed out next to Jo on the bed.

She thought the pounding was in her head, well it was but there was another pounding that woke her up. She looked at her watch and saw that it was only 6:00 am and couldn't imagine who the hell would be pounding on the door at that time of the morning. She got out of bed and stubbed her toe on a table that should not have been in her bedroom. "Shit." Then on her way to the door she remembered she wasn't in her bedroom. "Alright I'm coming." She yelled. "Stop pounding on the door. What the hell…" She opened the door and stopped when she saw Maura standing there. "What are you doing here?" She asked softly. Partly because it hurt her head to talk loud and partly because she couldn't believe Maura was there.

"May I come in?" Maura gestured inside the room. She stepped back so she could pass. Maura brushed Jane's front with her arm and if she didn't know better she did it on purpose or not. Jane could smell her hair and the smell that was distinctly Maura.

"Sure come on in. Let me start some coffee." She turned to walk back towards the sink.

"I brought coffee, here's one for you. All they ever have in these rooms is instant and you know how I feel about that."

Jane turned back and took the cup she held out. "Thank you. I suppose you're wondering what's going on?"

"Can we sit down to talk." Without waiting for Jane's response she took a seat on 'her' side of the bed and scooted back against the headboard. "I also brought your favorite Danish from that bakery on the corner by the station."

Jane didn't think sitting next to Maura on the bed was such a good idea so she took the Danish and sat down in the chair by the table. "What the hell time did you leave home to get here this early?"

"Well I had to interrupt Manny as he was making the Danish at 4:00 am and he sold them to me out the back door then I bought the coffee and headed out. I wanted to make sure I caught you before you started your day."

"I guess since Ma was the one who knew I was here I don't have to ask how you found me." She asked through the bite she had just taken of the Cream Cheese Danish. "Oh my god that is sooo good. Thank you again."

"No problem it's what you do for someone you love." Maura sat back and took a sip of her coffee watching Jane.

Jane was just about to take another bite of the sweet roll when it dawned on her what Maura had said. She looked at her hopefully. "Did you say you loved me?" Maura smiled and nodded her head. "As in the same way I love you?" If possible her smile widen even more as she nodded again. Jane placed my coffee and Danish down on the table and slowly walked over to the bed and sat down next to Maura.

"I would have told you that yesterday but you took off and didn't give me the chance. I was also so surprised when you said it that it took me a few seconds to respond and by that time you were already gone. I threatened your Mother with bodily harm if she didn't tell me where you were. To tell you the truth she didn't hold out very long." She turned and looked at Jane and couldn't help but laugh at the dumbfounded look on Jane's face.

"You threatened my mother? And how did she take that?" She moved a little closer to Maura.

"As I said she didn't hold out very long so it wasn't hard to get her to tell me where you were. Mind you, she only knew you were in Revere so I spent most of the night calling all of the motels, hotels and B&B's before I found which one you were in." Maura reached over and wiped a bit of sugar from the corner of Jane's mouth.

"So you love me huh?" She couldn't believe Maura had taken the time to find her then drove here.

Maura turned so that she was facing her and leaned forward until her lips gently touched hers and Jane felt as if she had died and gone to heaven. Kissing her was nothing like kissing a man. Her lips were so soft and she couldn't believe she was actually kissing her. Jane whimpered when she started to pull away. Jane felt the loss immediately. She reached up and pulled Maura back and this time was more of an active participant in the kiss. Maura pulled back from the heated kiss and looked into the depths of Jane's eye. "Does that answer your question? Just in case let me put it into words you will definitely understand. Jane Clementine Rizzoli I love you with all of my heart."

"Damn I could listen to you say that all day long." She leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss.

"What Jane Clementine Rizzoli?" Maura looked at Jane innocently.

Jane reached over and took the Danish from Maura's hands and placed them on the night stand then rolled over so she was half on top of Maura. "Oh you think you're so smart don't you?" Jane leaned down and kissed her very tenderly. "I love you."

Maura couldn't remember when anyone had ever made her feel the way Jane could with just a couple of kisses. She felt loved and cherished. She couldn't believe how tender this sometimes tough woman could be. She looked up at Jane with tears in her eyes. "Thank you."

Jane looked surprised at what Maura said. "What are you thanking me for? I should be the one thanking you for bothering to take the time to hunt me down and having the guts to call me out. Thank you." She leaned down and kissed Maura with all the passion she felt for her. When she felt Maura's mouth open just a fraction she took the opportunity to push her tongue through the opening and when Maura moaned she almost lost control. "Whoa! We need to stop." Jane rolled back over and lay on her back but reached out and took Maura's hand.

Maura rolled over on to her side so she could look at Jane. "Is something wrong?"

Jane turned so she was face to face with Maura. "Definitely not. Everything is just right but if we don't slow down I'm going to rip your clothes off and make love to you right here and now."

"And you don't want to do that because…" Maura gave Jane a wicked smile.

"Because I want to do this right. I want to take you out on a date then drop you off at your door and then go home and call you and talk all night about the date. Then take you on another date then make out on your couch then go home and call you. Maybe on the next date we can make it to the bedroom."

"Jane we've already done all of that. We've been doing that for the last 4 years. Don't you think it's time we made it to the bedroom? Oh wait we are in the bedroom. We've been in the bedroom many times over and we've never done anything. So why wait? We're here and we both know we want each other so why should we both suffer any longer? I want you Jane and sooner or later I will have you so why not sooner?" She placed her hand on Jane's shoulder and slowly moved it down her arm to her waist and under her shirt until she felt skin. Jane's hiss let her know she had her attention. She moved her hand up until she covered her breast with her hand. She felt the nipple harden under her touch and Jane's hips moved up of their own accord.

"Oh you do not play fair." Jane's hand moved to Maura's waist.

"What's the saying? All's fair in love and war. Do you want me to stop?" She pinched the hardened nipple and Jane moaned loudly. "I'll take that as a no." She reached down for the bottom of Jane's shirt and pushed it up until Jane sat up enough for her to be able to lift it over her head. Maura looked down at the beauty below her and could not believe her luck. "You are gorgeous." She lowered her head and took the nipple between her teeth gently.

"Damn that feels good." She'd never been with anyone who could make her want something as much as she wanted Maura right then. "Take off your blouse. I want to feel you against me."

Maura rolled off the bed and looked down at Jane and slowly began to unbutton her blouse. She removed the blouse and reached behind her to unfasten her bra without taking her eyes off of Jane. She watched as Jane's tongue came out to wet her lips and she looked so sexy. She dropped the bra onto the chair next to her then reached for the zipper on her pants and slowly lowered it. She had never been inhibited about her body but she suddenly felt shy as she exposed herself completely to Jane.

Jane watched as Maura lowered her pants and panties at the same time and stood before her completely naked for the first time. She was awed by the perfection that was Maura Isles in that moment. She stood up from the bed and dropped the shorts she had been wearing so that she too was naked and she wrapped her arms around Maura. "God you're perfect." She whispered next to Maura's ear. She then kissed her neck and moved down her body to her shoulder then took one breast in her hand as she took the other in her teeth.

"That feels so good. Don't stop." Maura moaned as Jane gently bit down.

Jane reached behind her placed one arm around her waist and placed the other behind her knees and lifted her up to gently place her on the bed then lay down beside her. "How is it that you taste like strawberries but smell like vanilla?" Jane smiled down at her.

"It's a special blend I have made for me that I add to my bath water. Do you l like it?" Maura's body felt like it was on fire wherever Jane's hand or lips touched her.

Jane leaned down and kissed then licked her neck and felt Maura shiver. "Mmmm I think I do. It even tastes like strawberries. I like my strawberries with whipped cream." Jane smiled down at Maura.

"Maybe next time. I didn't bring any with me. Ahhh right there." Maura moaned as Jane found a particularly sensitive spot just below her clavicle.

"Oh you like that? Must be one of those erogenous zones huh?" She gently bit down on the same spot again and heard Maura moan. "God that's so sexy when you moan like that. I'm tempted to just stay here but I want to see if I can find any more spots." Her hand was slowly moving down to breast and her lips were following shortly behind. She took a hardened bud between her teeth and she watched as Maura's hips began to writhe. She reached down with her hand to gently push her hips against the bed. "I think I like that as much as you do."

Maura couldn't believe how much she felt at just a few touches from this woman. It usually took much more foreplay for her to get as turned on as she felt at t he moment. She felt the liquid pooling at her center and felt as if she might come without Jane even touching her there. This had never happened to her before. "Jane please touch me, I need to feel you inside me. Please, I'm already so close!"

Jane felt her breath hitch at Maura's words and she didn't need to be told twice. She moved her hand to the blonde curls and felt the wetness. "God you're so wet. Is it always like this? I've never been with a woman so I don't know."

"Not with me, it usually take much more than this but please touch me." Maura's eyes looked directly into Jane's and Jane could not believe how beautiful she look. She maintained the eye contact as she moved two fingers to her opening and plunged them into the wetness. Maura tried to keep her eyes open but it felt so good to feel Jane inside her and she couldn't keep them open. "Oh god Jane you feel so good inside me."

"Tell me what you like. What do you want?" Maura moved her hand down and placed it over Jane's and pulled it out then pushed it back in again and without waiting did it again. "Shit you are so fucking sexy Maura." Maura moved her hand and brought it to Jane's lips and let her taste her. Jane took her fingers into her mouth and tasted Maura for the first time and thought she'd never tasted anything sweeter in her life.

"What do…you do…to yourself? Do it to me." Maura's breath caught when Jane moved her thumb to brush over her clit. "Do that again right there!" Her hips were moving to keep pace with Jane's hand which was plunging in and out of Maura at a furious pace.

"I'm not hurting you am I?" Jane sounded so worried that Maura almost laughed.

"Oh no, just keep doing what you are doing I'm so close." Maura's hand dug into Jane's back so hard she knew it was going to leave marks but what Jane was doing felt so good. Jane felt Maura's walls tightening around her fingers and she looked into Maura's eyes as her back arched so much Jane thought sure she'd hurt something. "JANE!" Maura screamed her name so loud that Jane was glad she chose a secluded cabin down the beach.

Jane watched as Maura came down from her climax and her body fell to the bed. "Damn that was hot." Jane smiled down at Maura. She slowly removed her fingers and brought them to her lips. "You taste fantastic too. Neither strawberry nor vanilla."

She kept watching as Maura's eyes finally opened and she smiled up at her. "That was the best orgasm I have ever had and let me tell you I've had a few. But that was the best." Maura watched as Jane's smile got ever wider but it was still someone shy.

"Are you sure it was ok? I've never done that before." Jane lowered her head and let her hair fall to cover her face.

Maura reached up and pulled her down for a searing kiss. "You know I can't lie so why would you ask me that? That was fantastic and it felt wonderful. Let me regain some of my strength and I will show you how wonderful it feels to make love with someone you love. Give me a minute and I will show you what I mean."

Jane lay down next to Maura and wrapped her arm around her and pulled her close. "I'm ok I just want to hold you and feel your body next to me. And may I say what a beautiful body it is." She reached down and pulled the blanket up to cover the two of them.

"Are you trying to tell me you don't want me to make love to you? Because I really want to make love to you." Maura rolled over so that she was lying on top of Jane.

"Well if you must." Jane feigned indifference when in reality her heartbeat quickened in excitement. She wasn't sure if it was because of what Maura wanted to do or the fact that Maura's body felt wonderful against her body, probably both.

Maura playfully slapped Jane's shoulder. She leaned down and kissed where she slapped her. "I love the way your body feels against mine. Soft in the right places and hard where it needs to be hard." She kissed her way down from her shoulder to her breasts. Her still wet center made contact with Jane's center and they both moaned and Jane moaned even louder when Maura ground herself against her center that was already wet but getting even wetter.

"Damn Maura you're killing me." Jane's arms reached down and grabbed Maura's ass and pushed her down while she pushed up the make better contact. She spread her legs and started grinding up against Maura. "God I need you!"

Maura moved her hand down between their bodies and entered Jane with two fingers and both women moaned. Jane because it felt so good to feel Maura inside her and Maura because she felt how wet Jane really was. "You're so wet for me." Maura took a tight nipple into her mouth and bit down.

Jane's hips shot up because it felt as if there was a direct connection from her breast to her clit. "Fuck that feels good."

"Yes it does." Maura kissed her way down Jane's torso and she kissed the inside of Jane's thigh then looked up at Jane whose head was thrown back in passion and her hands were grasping the sheets as if she was trying to rip them apart. Maura took her first taste of Jane and her moan almost drowned out Jane's. "You taste wonderful Jane."

Jane looked down at Maura and if at all possible she felt herself getting even wetter. "Shit Maura don't ever stop. That feels…I can't even describe how good that feels."

Maura's hand started moving even faster and Jane's hips moved with her until Maura reached up and pushed her hips down. She stopped her fingers just long enough to allow her tongue to join her fingers. "I love the way you taste." She moved her tongue back to her clit and sucked it into her mouth and she felt Jane's legs start to shake and her walls started to tighten around her fingers. "Come for me Jane. Come hard." She pulled her fingers almost all the way out then slammed them back in and felt Jane's body go completely still before it began to shake uncontrollably. She sped up her tongue on her clit and held onto Jane until she felt her body start to slow down it's convulsions. She pulled her fingers out slowly then kissed her way back up Jane's body then lay down beside her with her head on her shoulder.

Jane felt as if she'd lost total control of her body. She tried to move her arm around Maura and she didn't have the energy. "Can you wrap my arm around you. I don't seem to be able to move it." She felt and heard Maura giggle but she took her arm and wrapped it around herself then pulled the blanket up around them again. "Did you just giggle? I don't think I've ever heard you giggle."

"I don't remember the last time I did giggle. I don't do it very often." She snuggled closer to Jane and let out a contented sigh.

"That was without question the best I have ever had. Where did you learn to do that?" Jane tightened her arm around Maura.

"I've never done that before, I just wanted to taste you and I figured that was the best way to do it." Maura kissed Jane's shoulder and yawned.

"Let's go to sleep and we can talk in the morning ok?" Jane kissed the top of Maura's head. "I love you."

"Mmmm that sounds nice." Maura leaned up to kiss Jane and she felt Jane's arms tighten around her. Jane turned her head to meet her kiss and she gave Maura a smile that melted her heart. "I love you so much."

"I hope you're still here when I wake up in the morning because if I wake up and all of this was a dream I'm going to be so pissed off. I better take Jo out for a quick run, I'll be right back." She jumped out of bed and Maura watched as she fumbled around for her shorts and top and took Jo outside. Jane came back to the cabin and found Maura sound asleep. She took the opportunity to look at the woman she had been in love with for so long she couldn't remember when she didn't love her. "Hey Jo I think I'm the luckiest woman around." She whispered to the little dog. "Look at her, she's stunning and she's all mine." Jane stripped off her clothes and carefully slipped in beside Maura and wrapped her arm around her and pulled her close.

"Mmmm love you." Maura mumbled as she snuggled against Jane.

Jane laughed and closed her eyes feeling totally content for the first time in a very long time.


End file.
